I am not sure that I want to place for adoption. I just want to talk to someone about it. If I talk to an adoption agency, doesn’t that mean I will automatically be considered a client?
No. You can talk to a counselor to simply receive information about adoption without any pressure to make a decision for adoption. We will help you explore both parenting and adoption to determine what is best for you and your child. Should you decide to parent your child, we will connect you with resources to assist you in your parenting plan. If you decide to make an adoption plan, then we will help you with making the best plan for you and your baby.
I love my baby. How could I ever consider giving him/her away?
Our counselors have a lot of experience counseling with women on adoption. In all of our collective experience, we have never found a woman who placed her child for adoption who didn’t love her child greatly. Many people think that only someone who doesn’t love their child would place him/her for adoption; however, this simply isn’t true. Adoption is not the abandonment of a child or responsibility; it is a sacrifice of love. Love often requires letting go. Being a loving parent involves placing the needs of your child ahead of your own, whether this is through making a parenting plan or an adoption plan for your child.
Should you choose adoption, many people will not understand your decision and will question you and perhaps say that you are being selfish. These people are simply not educated on the love it takes to place your baby’s needs before your own. So you see, adoption is really the opposite of selfish; it is selfless. We will support you throughout your placement and beyond so you can deal with the emotional part of adoption.
I could never be strong enough emotionally to make it through the grief of adoption. How could I live with myself?
Placing a child for adoption is not an emotionally easy process. No doubt. However, our counselors have found that if you know you are making the best decision for your child, and you have worked through your decision-making plan with a counselor, then you will have the strength to make it through the grief. We will walk with you through the grief process and get you prepared for what lies ahead. But remember: you are not expected to be ready to place your child with an adoptive family right now.
This is a process and your first step is to consider your options. Should you choose to make an adoption plan, then you will begin getting prepared for it emotionally. The adoption process is a journey that takes time. We encourage you to avoid closing the door on adoption based solely on your fear of the grief. If adoption is the right decision for you and your child, you will be prepared to make it through the grief.
How do I know the adoptive couples you work with are good people?
At Chosen Child Adoption Services, we are very thorough and selective in the couples we approve. All adoptive couples are carefully screened by our staff and Board of Directors which includes submitting to criminal background checks, CPS background checks, health check-ups, individual and joint interviews, home inspections, reference checks, health insurance checks, financial and employment verification, etc. Couples have to jump through many “hoops” to be approved. The first requirement is that all of our couples be Christians and commit to raising a child in the Christian faith. We also receive verification that they regularly attend church from their pastor.
When would I choose a couple and how does the process work?
It depends upon how far along you are in your pregnancy and in your counseling process. Usually, we try to match you with a couple during the last 2-4 months of your pregnancy. We have found that that this gives you time to go through some counseling and then consider what you are looking for in an adoptive couple. You are able to select the couple by looking at profile books and then you would have a “match meeting” with the couple that best fits with what you are looking for.
Your counselor will be there with you every step of the way. Ultimately you are in charge of what family your child is placed with. After you have made the decision for adoption, you can look at profile books, select the family, meet them, and have on-going contact with them throughout your child’s life, depending on your level of contact.
Is there anyone I can talk with who has actually been through the process and placed their baby for adoption?
Yes, if you wish we can connect you to a birth mother who can explain what her experience has been. We understand how important it is to talk to someone who has been through what you are going through right now. Our previous clients are happy to talk with you and will honestly answer your questions about their adoption experience. To read some adoption stories and contact a birth mother, please click here.
What if I am not sure how much contact I want with the couple? What are my options?
We will help you determine the healthiest level of contact that is best for you and your child. We offer several different options regarding your level of contact. They are open, semi-open, semi-closed, and closed adoptions.
At Chosen Child Adoption Services, we usually participate in semi-open and open adoption. It is important to remember that a healthy level of contact with the adoptive couple is based upon the development of a relationship with them – and this takes time.
If I place for adoption, is it true that my baby might grow up hating me?
Children who grow up in the knowledge that they are loved by their birth parents and adoptive parents – that they were “chosen” to be placed with the adoptive parents and are taught that adoption is a positive, special way that God formed their family – generally grow up secure and stable in their adoption placement. Your child will grow up knowing he/she was placed for adoption and why the adoption took place. You can write a letter to your child affirming your love for him/her, and explaining what led you to adoption and to the couple. Click here for an example of a birth mother’s letter to her child. Some girls also put together a scrapbook for their baby, which would include pictures of you, the birth father, extended family members, and other keepsakes.
When would I have to sign legal papers for the adoption?
The decision to place your child for adoption is made long before any legal paperwork is signed. In Texas, you are not allowed to sign relinquishment papers until at least 48 hours after your child’s birth. We will give you a copy of the papers for you to look over before it is time to sign them so that you can fully review the documents and have the opportunity to ask questions.
I am due really soon. Is it too late to consider adoption and make a plan?
No, it is not too late! Sometimes we receive calls from women who are in the hospital, have just given birth, and want to place their baby for adoption. Although we like to have as much time with you as possible in order to walk you through a counseling process, we can also expedite the process to meet your current needs and the needs of your child. We have a 24-hour information line so we can receive your call anytime you have questions or just need a listening ear – even if it’s at the last minute. We want you to call anytime, but you can also text us if it is more comfotable for you. Our phone number to call is 877-383-3551. The phone number to text is 214-865-9875.
What about the baby’s father? How much involvement does he have?
Depending upon your relationship with him, we will help you determine his involvement in the process. We welcome his involvement; however, it is not necessary in Texas that the birth father be involved in order for you to place your child for adoption. If the birth father is involved, he can be as involved as he wants and as involved as you want him to be in the adoption process. We can offer him counseling; an opportunity to have post-placement contact with the adoptive parents; assessment of his needs; and we help him and his family through the adoption process.
My parents/sister/other family members want to adopt the baby.
It is important to get solid counseling on this before agreeing to a family placement. It seems like a great way to keep the baby nearby, but is it best for the baby? The question is not “can you make it work out some how” but “what is best for the baby in the long run?” Family adoptions can be very confusing for a child if not carefully clarified and communicated clearly. It can also create identity and trust issues in later years for the child if the roles are not clearly and carefully defined.